Pain
by Raven of Alaska
Summary: We all have our pains. Pains from our past, pain from out battles. We may be Titans, but even we can feel pain. Mine almost kills me...


**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. Yeah, I know I should be working on Blood Sisters, my Teen Titans/F.E.A.R. crossover. Also note, I make a reference to a Teen Titans Go! Comic in here… as well as Lord of the Rings. See if you can spot them both!**

Everybody has their pains. Whether it be from battle, from memories of past events, to arguments with each other and the insults from haters, all of us have our pains. Each and every Titan feels pain, and it is something we constantly bear.

Robin, our leader, carries memories of the night his parents were murdered. Sometimes, when he thinks nobody is looking, he takes out a small locket from beneath his robes. Inside the locket is a picture of him with his parents in full costume. They were, at one time, the magnificent Flying Graysons, that much I recognized when I snuck a peek at the picture. Robin never found out, of course. From articles I read when I was I kid, I pointed them out. What may hurt as much, though, is the pain that Robin broke off all contact with his former mentor, Batman. The Batman never approved of Robin starting a team, or leading one, for that matter. He tries so hard, but never seems to gain approval. At least, never from Batman.

Starfire's own sister gave her as a prize to the Gordainians in order to ensure peace for Tamaran. Her older sister's betrayal hurts her to this very day. Starfire has hoped that Blackfire would come around, to see all the evil she's done and repent. Unfortunately, Blackfire has hurt Starfire worse than anyone could have imagined. She hired Madame Rouge to impersonate their younger brother, Wildfire, and made all of us believe that he had returned. Starfire noticed something was wrong and the ruse was busted. After that, she had a short discussion with her sister, permanently cutting off all ties and tossing Blackfire from the family. On Earth, due to the fact she's an alien, Starfire get ridicule for not speaking properly or misinterpreting phrases. Robin nearly beat a guy up for calling her a "foreign idiot". Think about that the next time she saves you sorry butt.

Cyborg resents his father for turning him into a machine. Ever since the accident, he's been shunned, forbidden from playing in any sports league, not to mention the stupid, ignorant comments made by racist imbeciles who think he's inferior due to the color of his skin. What does skin color have to do with anything? The names he's been called, the things people have said about him, the memory of the loss of his body, is almost too much for him sometimes. He works out his pain through training, taking the bad memories and comments and pushing them into the far reaches of his mind, venting his frustration at the world.

Raven has defeated her father, gained control of her emotions, and is more open than she was five years ago. She smiles… I repeat, _smiles_, and every once in a while, laughs at a joke I've made. Incredible, even more so when one considers she has the greatest pain of us all. She was conceived when the demon Trigon raped Arella, who gave birth to Raven in the dimension of Azarath. Shunned and hated since birth, Raven had mere hours with her mother before being taken away. She wasn't allowed to feel anything, since her emotions might summon Trigon to find his "portal". Raven was told she was an instrument of Trigon, and would bring destruction to the universe. Azarath and Earth would be destroyed, and the rest of the universe would be forced to bow down to Trigon the Terrible.

Raven believed that she was truly evil, that there wasn't a shred of good in her. When Trigon located and came for his "portal", Arella sent Raven to Earth, in hopes that it would buy time for Azarath, for Earth, for the universe. Three years later, everything went to Hell. Trigon destroyed Azarath, slaughtered its inhabitants, and conquered Earth through Raven. She was turned into a small child, nearly powerless and frightened. Her role as the portal had been fulfilled, her future lay open… once she kicked Trigon's arse, which she did… using her soul self to obliterate Trigon's body and soul, banishing him into the Void. She still thinks she's evil, but not as much. If only she saw her as I see her. A bright ray of hope, a shining light in the darkness, an angel… but she doesn't. I'll have to convince her of that, I've already convinced her she's not alone.

As for me… I feel excruciating pain every day. Sure, I feel guilt that I couldn't save my parents when our boat crashed. I still blame myself for their deaths; I know I could have saved them. That isn't the excruciating pain I feel every day, though. When I morph, every bone in my body shifts, slowly. It all happens in a matter of seconds to everybody else, but to me, time stops. Searing pain burns through my body, like a fire burning through a very dry forest during a hot day. My muscles ache as though they've all been ripped to shreds. I struggle to breathe; air doesn't enter or leave my lungs. Choking and seemingly near death, I am thrust back into the world as another animal. Pterodactyl, tiger, mammoth, raven, you name it, I can turn into it.

The pain is put into the back of my mind as I fling myself at the villain. Afterwards, when the villain is defeated, I ignore the pain as if it didn't exist, hiding it deep within me. So deep, that not even Raven can tell how badly I hurt. The pain is usually stored within my chest, ready to explode later. Sometimes it erodes away, sometimes it stays…

Like tonight. The team took a beating from Slade, Triton, and, of all people, Dr. Light, who seems to have grown a backbone and a fierce side. Not even the Beast, my most powerful, and painful, form, was able to beat them. We're all covered in bruises. I lie in my bed, groaning, when it hits. I've had to transform more today than it seems I've had to for the last year or so. Those three are a trio of trouble, and they beat us. Bad. We're hoping that tomorrow, we'll be able to defeat them. Thoughts of victory, however, flee from the oncoming pain like birds from the cold. I shake violently, my body twisting and turning, my vision goes red. I cough, barely able to breathe. I fall off my bed, blood vomiting forth from my mouth, splattering on the floor. I'm going to die. Mother, Father_, I'll be with you soon. Goodbye Titans. Goodbye, Raven. Namarie…_

After an eternity, it ends. I take in long, deep breaths. Slowly, I get up off the floor and make my way into my cozy bed. Ten minutes felt like forever. I go through this nearly every night. I thought I'd be used to it by now. At least there's one comfort I can take in: nobody knows. Nobody will _ever_ know. I smile and nod off to sleep, thankful to be alive.

"I know" Raven whispered outside Beast Boy's room. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed this sooner. She stood outside, fearful to go in, to see Beast Boy possibly dying. She placed a pale hand on the door, then took a deep breath and went in, whispering, "we need to talk."


End file.
